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Welcome to the interactional question and answer service
provided online by psychotherapist Ann Klein. She provides users with
practical answers to commonly asked questions about relationship struggles.
Ann will answer one of the most commonly asked questions that she receives
from her web site users each month.
Please note: The answers that Ann provides are for educational
purposes only and are not intended to be construed as advice or therapy.
If the difficulties are overwhelming, please seek assistance from a licensed
therapist or other healthcare professional in your area.
If you would like to submit a question for consideration
to be answered in the future, please send it to Ann's e-mail address at
ann@askann.com along with
your e-mail address. If your question is selected to be answered by Ann
on-line, you'll be notified in advance by e-mail. Thank You.
Dear Ann,
When I bring up an issue with my husband, he refuses to talk about it
and 'clams up.' I become so frustrated that I begin screaming, but he
refuses to discuss it and says I'm too emotional. What should I do?
Dear Joan,
This is a common problem with many couples. Perhaps your husband is feeling
'attacked' and is going into his 'shell' to protect himself. With many
couples one spouse brings up many of the issues and it can come across
as critical to the other spouse. The more the spouse insists on resolving
the issue immediately, the more the other spouse goes into their 'shell.'
One thing to try is to tell your husband you have an issue to discuss
and would he be willing to make an appointment within the next 24 hours.
Be sure that you are both coming from a calm place when you discuss your
issue. Before you bring up your issue, ask him if he would listen without
comment to the whole thing, so you can develop all your thoughts and then
you would like to hear from him. Tell him your intention for bringing
this up is to understand where each of you is coming from and to improve
the relationship. Then bring up the issue using the 'I message,' which
means coming from your own feelings and thoughts without blaming your
husband. For example: 'I feel sad when you... (be specific, not judgmental).
Be sure to listen to your husband with an open mind. The key is to develop
a 'safe, non-blaming' way of communicating.
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Ann Klein,LCSW-C, LCMFT
Offices in:
Columbia, Maryland
6239 Plaited Reed
close to Howard County General Hospital
Laurel, Maryland
9811 Mallard Dr.- Suite 116
Intersection of Laurel-Bowie Rd and 295
ann@askann.com
(410)730-4082
Cell (240) 593-1517
Fax at (410)730-6150
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